How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
