i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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