He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize