do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
