He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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