I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
