Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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