I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
