the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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