I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize