i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
