I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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