The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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