Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
