I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
