New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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