If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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