Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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