I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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