I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Randomize
