Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
