if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
