you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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