walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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