I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
