i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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