Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
