When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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