I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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