You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
