At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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