White coat. Heels.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
