Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize