why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
