why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
