Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
