I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
