I love black thongs
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
