My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
