"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
