i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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