my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
