my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
