I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
