i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
