I hate all girls vehemently.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
