Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
