Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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