I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
