I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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