Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize