how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
