dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
