My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
