I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
