The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
