with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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