Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
