so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
