If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
