I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
