it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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