so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
