i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
