how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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