The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
