I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
