I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
