Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
