I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
