once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
