apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
