you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
