porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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