im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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