I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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