No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
