I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
