Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
