I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
