I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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