I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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